What Can Right Ten Thousand Wrongs?
What can right ten thousand wrongs?
Oh, not I, the farthest gone.
Pride has taught me for so long,
Shameless teaching hate.
I wait to sing my song.
I entered through the wide gate
Battled without breastplate
Trusting in my own fate
And willing to offend.
I sinned, and that holds weight.
Audrey, you were my friend
You trusted that I’d defend
And though I didn’t intend
To stab your back so deep..
I guess that’s just my trend.
My guilt, I feel it seep
My body yearns to weep
But calloused hearts don’t keep
Their promises so well.
I guess it’s hard to tell.
I wrote this poem because...
I guess I didn’t know how else to tell you how sorry I am.
I didn’t realize how
I betrayed you so long ago until Priscella talked to me tonight..
But when I told Zach about you liking him..
That’s exactly what I was doing.
I’m the kind of person that can get caught up in emotion..
That forgets other people’s needs because I am so focused on
‘living in the moment’ or
‘finding myself’ or
whatever self-centered thing I’m focused on at the time.
It’s not really just that, though, is it?
Because I’ve treated you like shit for about two months now.
I don’t know why I talked to you,
of all people,
the way I did..
Hate is truly pointless, after all..
But when I spoke to you,
it wasn’t with words of love,
however much I try to convince myself that it was.
Even though I would’ve held my tongue for anyone else, I didn’t for you..
And I’m so, so sorry for that.
You were my excuse for being evil,
and my outlet for the stress in my life.
But because I had gotten so used to being that way when I was around you..
I guess I stopped noticing.
We worked our jobs at Saferide and
didn’t look each other in the eye and
assumed everything would be alright as soon as we could get away from each other.
But it wasn’t alright,
at least, it wasn’t alright with me.
Hate was standing between us,
the kind of hate that deceives you into thinking it’s real
but really grows out of the seductive,
underlying bitterness my callous words had inspired in your heart.
And though I began to fight it a few weeks ago,
I’ve been losing.
I’m not gonna expect you to be my friend again.
I get it.
Even though I would swear on my life not to do it again,
I’m broken and foolish and I don’t want you to get hurt anymore.
I’m not being overdramatic.
I know myself and now I know how deeply I hurt you.
This letter does have a purpose, though.
I need you to forgive me.
Not for my sake,
but for the sake of your heart.
I don’t want to see you get lost in the same
despair and depression
that I was caught up in for so long last semester,
invoked by a annoyance so tiny and bitter that
it has the power to eat up everything in you.
I’m not just preaching...
And I don’t want you to lose yourself in hating anyone,
that’s my spiel. hope you liked it.